I CAN BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER, DAY 5: MILKYBAR DESSERT AND TUNA
If nothing else, I knew today's abomination would be enormously popular with someone. Namely, my cat Stouffer, who goes absolutely apeshit for tuna and would wolf it down even if it does have children's snack-themed pudding all over it. No word of a lie, he can actually identify the specific noise of a tuna tin ring pull from that of other tins from the other side of the house. Which is remarkable as he's managed to misidentify a sheet of A4 as a litter tray before. Shows his priorities, I suppose.
Most people would probably be looking at this and feeling most put off by the tuna. Not me though, because I hate milkybars. Don't get me wrong - I've got nothing against juvenile borderline albino cowboys advertising confectionary. I just don't like white chocolate. Because let's face it, it's not chocolate, is it? It's just the fat out of chocolate mixed with some sugar and congealed into a lump - sugar lard, essentially. After all, no one would get away with compressing the grease that comes out of sausages into finger-like shapes and selling them as anything approaching the equivalent of an ACTUAL sausage, even if they gave it a fancy name like 'porko blanco'. Hence white chocolate is this: stupid. Almost as stupid as adding fish to it.
I'll give milkybar dessert this anyway - from the picture I thought it was going to be more like some sort of custardy mousse the colour of, well, something you'd expect to see seeping out of an infected wound. Mercifully though, it turned out to be a lot thicker, paler and creamier. So much so, when I spread it on it could almost pass for Dairlyea - and that and tuna would obviously be fine (or at the very least, not freakish). Plus as luck would have it, I'm really stupid so this made a big difference mentally - you know, because your brain tends to tell you not to eat stuff that looks like septic ooze and all that.
Given I couldn't even get through more that 2 bites of yesterday, and this was sickly sweet pudding and fairly strong-tasting fish, I had serious concerns. In fact, I even moved the bin a bit closer in case an emergency eject was needed. So how was it?
Well.
Well.
Well.
It was EXCELLENT. And no, that's not a typo of 'excrement'. I'm honestly not kidding - no one is more surprised at this than me, but they go together amazingly. So much so, I would bet if you went out and tried this you'd probably agree. The most amazing part is, I tried some of the dessert on its own and hated it! So there you go Nestle - want to sell more milkybar desserts? Put fish in it! And get another photographer for your packets to make it look less like 'bandage juice'.
With that surprise, the chart now looks like this:
Joint leaders! But, I don't hear you say but need to pretend I did for this to make sense, it's the end of the week - why is there a 6th row? All will be revealed on Sunday! And slightly below as well. But mainly Sunday!
Most people would probably be looking at this and feeling most put off by the tuna. Not me though, because I hate milkybars. Don't get me wrong - I've got nothing against juvenile borderline albino cowboys advertising confectionary. I just don't like white chocolate. Because let's face it, it's not chocolate, is it? It's just the fat out of chocolate mixed with some sugar and congealed into a lump - sugar lard, essentially. After all, no one would get away with compressing the grease that comes out of sausages into finger-like shapes and selling them as anything approaching the equivalent of an ACTUAL sausage, even if they gave it a fancy name like 'porko blanco'. Hence white chocolate is this: stupid. Almost as stupid as adding fish to it.
TODAY'S SPECIAL
 |
| Oh lucky me. I get a whole extra horrifically oversweet Milkybar dessert to enjoy as well. Whoopeeeeeeee. |
I'll give milkybar dessert this anyway - from the picture I thought it was going to be more like some sort of custardy mousse the colour of, well, something you'd expect to see seeping out of an infected wound. Mercifully though, it turned out to be a lot thicker, paler and creamier. So much so, when I spread it on it could almost pass for Dairlyea - and that and tuna would obviously be fine (or at the very least, not freakish). Plus as luck would have it, I'm really stupid so this made a big difference mentally - you know, because your brain tends to tell you not to eat stuff that looks like septic ooze and all that.
 |
| Not pictured: my cat literally clawing his way up my leg like a nut-obsessed squirrel. Wait, not *that* sort of nut, you dirty boy/girl (delete as applicable). |
Given I couldn't even get through more that 2 bites of yesterday, and this was sickly sweet pudding and fairly strong-tasting fish, I had serious concerns. In fact, I even moved the bin a bit closer in case an emergency eject was needed. So how was it?
Well.
Well.
Well.
It was EXCELLENT. And no, that's not a typo of 'excrement'. I'm honestly not kidding - no one is more surprised at this than me, but they go together amazingly. So much so, I would bet if you went out and tried this you'd probably agree. The most amazing part is, I tried some of the dessert on its own and hated it! So there you go Nestle - want to sell more milkybar desserts? Put fish in it! And get another photographer for your packets to make it look less like 'bandage juice'.
With that surprise, the chart now looks like this:
 |
| Why yes, I did write the wrong thing in the wrong box. Post-it note chunk to the rescue! |
Joint leaders! But, I don't hear you say but need to pretend I did for this to make sense, it's the end of the week - why is there a 6th row? All will be revealed on Sunday! And slightly below as well. But mainly Sunday!
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