Gaz Cooks Crap

Hello! Sorry for not posting for a bit, but I had to take some time out while I got a new kitchen. By which I mean a different kitchen in a new house, as we sold our old house and - as is traditional, given I don't live in a yurt or similar - the kitchen was included as part of the deal and apparently I'm not allowed to go back there and mess it up anymore. Which is a shame, as that means I have to clean up after myself in my new one rather than leaving it in the old one for the new owner. Bah. Well I say my 'new' kitchen, but it isn't really. It's new to me, of course, but ironically the cooker in it is this: really really old. So old some of the numbers have actually worn off the knobs, so as if my cooking wasn't bad enough it now has an entirely unwanted element of surprise to it as well - up to and including: 'Is the gas actually on?' [presses ignition] ... 'PTHOOOOMPH!' '...yes, yes that was on.' [puts out eyebrows] Un